Dissolving into Evanescence
by Fallen Angel 900
Summary: What happens to Harry after the traumatizing death of his Godfather? How has his moods changed? Who is speaking to him telepathically? Read and Review please!


Dissolving into Evanescence  
  
A/N: Here we again....another fic by yours truly...GUNBLADE ELF!!! Good reviews are welcome as are flames...though good reviews are preferable.  
  
DISCLAIMER: You know the drill...  
  
Harry groaned and turned over in bed, his head was pounding. Why the sudden migraine? Who knew? Who cared? The truth hit him straight in the gut. Who did care? He rolled out of bed and put on his round glasses and ruffled his stubborn mob of black hair. He looked around his surroundings. He saw his inmates, getting dressed for the day, not taking any notice to the one who just woke up. Even Ron, who was rumored to be his best friend didn't even acknowledge his presence in the room.  
  
'Might as well get up and change.' Harry thought to himself, as he pulled out his clothes and his robes and slipped them all on. As he was leaving the room, he felt the icy stare of Seamus, Dean, Neville and Ron on him. What had gotten into them lately? As he was walking through the common room, it all rushed back to him. The night before....  
  
FLASHBACK  
  
"Harry, come on, cool it!" Ron beseeched, running after a fuming Harry. Harry whipped around and pinned Ron to the opposite wall.  
  
"Look, Ron, I don't care about your little excuses anymore. Just because my godfather died doesn't mean you could bother me like this!"  
  
"Harry," Ron tried to laugh," Look, I'm just being a friend for you, I'm looking out for you, so's Hermione, Just cool it and give us a bit of a chance."  
  
Harry loosened his grip. "Fine." He pushed himself away from Ron, yet, still stormed off.  
  
Later that night....  
  
"Harry, Sirius is dead. You can't bring him back, no matter what you do!" Ron yelled, infuriated by Harry's trying to use the mirror he had gotten from Sirius to speak to him. "Haven't you been listening to anything we've said?! He's not going to come back!"  
  
"Harry, he's right you know. You should listen to Ron a little more often." Hermione said softly patting his arm.  
  
Harry's fists clenched into balls. How dare they....how dare they interfere with his beliefs? He sprang up and whipped around.  
  
"Just...just...SHUT THE HELL UP!" He yelled, his face growing red with rage, this was the maddest Ron and Hermione had ever seen him. "You...both of you...don't know anything about what I believe in! I DON'T CARE if Sirius is dead, he's my godfather, not yours! How would you react after a sudden death eh?" he turned to Ron. "Get away from me you vile snake, I can't stand you as it is." He turned to Hermione. "don't come near me again, you Mudblood!" he yelled. Tears welled into Hermione's eyes. The whole common room was staring now.  
  
"WHAT ARE YOU LOSERS LOOKING AT?!" he yelled, so infuriated by the cold glare he received from everyone.. Parvati and Lavender even stopped their non-stop gossip to watch.. Harry's breath became ragged as he stared each Gryffindor recipient in the eye, even some frightened first years, "none of you would understand, it was that bastard Voldemort who killed him. First my parents, then my Godfather. How would you know how I feel, eh? ALL OF YOU?! How would you know how I feel? So just stop giving me your fake sympathy and get the hell out of my life, because you just don't understand!" The whole common room stared at him. Ginny wept silently to herself, hurt by Harry's word, since it ws directed to everyone. Harry took no heed to her tears. He turned and left the common room, and stormed out into the corridors. At the same moment, Professor McGonagall walked into the common room.  
  
"What was all that yelling I heard?" she snapped as she straightened her hat.  
  
No one said a word.  
  
She sighed. "Well if you won't say anything then I'll take the matter up later.  
  
END FLASHBACK  
  
As he walked into the Great Hall for breakfast he stopped and looked around. A hush went over the Gryffindor table as he walked in. The Slytherins hissed as he walked by. Huifflepuff didn't veen bother acknowledging the star seeker's presence. Over on the Ravenclaw table, they all leered at him, Cho held her head low and ignored him entirely. He felt a jolt of pain run through his heart as he observed her sad expression. Then he turned and went to sit across Hermione. Once he sat down Hermione got up and left, something was left on the table after her. Two tear drops. Whoa, had he really hurt her that bad? What did he care , she doesn't care for him anymore, why should he? He ate his breakfast in silence and everyone kept their distance from him.  
  
The day flew by, mainly because no one would speak to Harry. Yet, Malfoy took this to his advantage.  
  
"Oh look, its wee Potter. Miss that murderer of a godfather of yours? HA! What a coward. Father always told me that men like him should always end up dead. And guess what? He is! HA!" he scoffed, prodding Harry in Transfiguration. So unfortunate to have to sit next to him.  
  
"Just shut up." Harry hissed, dipping his quill into his ink bottle and taking notes on McGonagall's review on Animagi.  
  
Malfoy chuckled as he returned to his notes. Pansy Parkinson turned and grinned. Malfoy winked back, and when she wasn't looking he turned to Crabbe and Goyle and smirked.  
  
Often times Harry would look in Ron's direction for support, but he would never return his stare, but would quite often turn to Seamus and whisper something to him. Harry would wonder fleetingly what he was saying.  
  
Lunch was the same as breakfast. No one said a thing to him. Then again...what did he care?  
  
"Stupid, stupid..." he murmured to himself. Finally...the last class, double Potions. What a drag! Everything was as it should, no one spoke to him, and Snape failed him...again.  
  
"You should be a little more careful, Potter." He hissed, he leaned forward closer to his face. "Or you'll end up just like your wretched uncle and parents.." he rose, smirked and continued talking about his silencing draft. Harry glared at his back as he moved through the desks, asking students difficult questions. Usually Gryffindor, that way being able to remove house points. However, he was always doting the Slytherins. The only one who managed to get any questions right was Hermione. But that...was on a normal basis, this time she was silenced.  
  
"What is with you Gryffindor today? You can't even answer the simplest questions! 10 points from Gryffindor!"  
  
A groan went through the students. Neville turned to Harry, not for reassurance, but to glare. Neville...of all people, the only one who usually stood by him, was now against him. Harry put his head in his hands and whispered silently to himself.  
  
"Sirius, I want to be with you. Sirius, tell me, what's this life worth living?" of course...no one answered.  
  
"POTTER! WILL YOU GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF THE CLOUDS AND PAY ATTENTION?" Snape yelled, spraying Harry in spit. Harry lifted his head and stared Snpae in the eye. His look was so venomous, that anyone would have run away in fear from the stare. Snape, was take aback. Once he regained composure he turned around and threw Harry a somewhat sympathetic look, or so he thought.  
  
Finally, the bell rang, Harry cleared his stuff and went to wash his hands over by the faucet. He stood next to Ron, who didn't even look at him, or pass him the soap when he asked. He just dried off and spoke to Dean Thomas instead. Once had finished washing up, he slung his bag over his shoulder and waited for Hermione. When she came out, she walked right past him, holding her head low. Harry said nothing, but shuffled uneasily, as the Slytherins stalked past him, often hissing or laughing.  
  
"Oh look, wee Potter's girlfriend left him all alone. Aww, does Potty need a tissue?" Malfoy said, putting on a mock expression of concern.  
  
Harry turned and just left. No use fighting, he'll just get into more trouble than he already is. Instead of going to the common room, he went straight out the doors and to Hagrid's house. Maybe the half giant could lend him a supportive hand. He went across the damp grass, leaves shades of red, yellow and brown scattered all over the ground. How had he gotten himself into this mess so early in the year?  
  
AS he trudged through the leaves he finally made it to Hagrid's small cottage. Before he could knock on the door he heard some voices inside.  
  
"I just...I just hate him so much!" a female voice sobbed. It was Hermione's.  
  
"There, there." Harry heard Ron's voice.  
  
"Welll you know, Potter can be hard headed at times." He heard the clink of a teapot hit the surface of the hard wood table.  
  
"But the way he just threw us away, like...like we were garbage. I swear, I'll never speak to him again." Ron swore, pounding the table with his fist on the table. He heard the chair scrape on the floor and supposed Ron was standing. "The creep! All he does is mope around and does no good for any of us! And he probably expects sympathy! BAH! Well, he sure as hell isn't getting it from THIS WEASLY!" Ron yelled.  
  
"Or anyone at that.." Hermione added wistfully.  
  
"Well, I'll be darned.. The boy hasn't even come to see me for a while." Hagrid said, trying to change the subject.  
  
"Probably doesn't give a damn either." Ron cussed once again.  
  
Harry felt a knot tie up in his stomach, did Ron really mean it? With the tone of his voice...it hit him...he did.. Hermione's sobs hurt him more. Who knew the know it all could be so sensitive when it came to matters like this.  
  
"I don't care, I just don't care anymore Hagrid! He called me...he called me a mudblood and it came from him!" Hermione cried. From the sound of I, Harry assumed she flew into his arms for a hug.  
  
"He didn't." Hagrid asked, appalled.  
  
"He, did, I was there." Ron said.  
  
"Well, that pest." Hagrid said.  
  
Did they really think of him that way? Harry couldn't help it, he had to admit it. They truly, truly...did.  
  
"I'll go talk to the lad." Harry hear Hagrid lug his way to the door, but before he could open it, Harry pushed his way through.  
  
"Well, Harry, you came just at the right time." Hagrid made to push Harry in further into his cottage, but Harry brushed his big arm away.  
  
"Get off me, you big ogre!" He spat., Hagrid's eyes widened and filled with tears.  
  
"Is...is that you...Harry? The little boy I carried all the way to Privet Drive on a flying motorcycle? That can't be you." He said as the tears got caught in his shaggy beard. Why was Harry suddenly hurting the people he really loved all of a sudden?  
  
"H-Hagrid...I'm sorry..." Harry tried...but failed. Hagrid didn't respond. But instead ble his nose in a handkerchief.  
  
"What's done is done. What you said, was said and I saw...you meant it." Hagrid persisted. Harry felt a sense of unwelcome in this once cozy cottage in which he Ron and Hermione would spend hours in. He turned to his old friends, who just turned away. The anger boiled to the bursting point then.  
  
"IS THAT WHAT YOU REALLY THINK OF ME? DO YOU REALLY HATE ME THAT MUCH?!" Harry began to calm down a little, even though no one was looking at him. " If you feel that way, then fine by me. I would've thought you would stick with me until the end, but no...so much for being my friends!"  
  
Hermione made the first move.  
  
"Harry Potter," she said formally, "What you've just said isn't true at all. YOU'RE the one who not being OUR friend! We were doing our bests to help you, but you just pushed us away!" she said, standing proud. Harry's hand twitched uncontrollably.  
  
"Harry, you just threw us away like garbage, or a used toy nobody wants." Ron defended Hermione. But she pushed through.  
  
"Harry...it's your choice..." she started, before she could continue, he slapped her across the face. Hermione stumbled and fell to the ground and looked at Harry who was towering over her.  
  
"HEY! YOU BASTARD! WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?" Ron went up to him and punched his face, causing his glasses to shatter. Harry fought blindly, until finally there was bloodshed.  
  
"THAT'S ENOUGH!" Hagrid yelled. "POTTER, GET OUT OF MY HOUSE NOW!" Hagrid picked Harry by the scruff of his collar and laid him outside. "Don't come near me or me house until you've changed." He hissed before slamming the door. Fang even growled at him.  
  
"It'll be too late then..." Harry lay prostrate in the ground, letting the blood drip from his mouth, where Ron had punched him.. The same words resounded in his head over and over.  
  
Who cares....nobody....you're alone in this....  
  
"Too bad...they don't want to accept my apologies...then too bad for them." Harry hissed, picking himself up off the ground. He made his way, not to Madam Pmfrey, but to the Lake. He sat down on its banks and watched the Giant Squid surface every now and they to grab something or other that was floating around. Harry sighed and spoke to Sirius, through his thoughts.  
  
"Sirius, what's it like being dead? Is it peaceful?" he moped. He felt something damp roll down his cheek. He touched it. He...was actually crying. "Oh God." he thought to himself as he quickly swept it away. He then returned to the water. "Maybe I could drown myself in the lake, no one would really care." He thought, but he shook his head. "No...too obvious. I need something subtle. I don't think I'll be able to perform Avada Kedavra on myself. This is too farfetched. It is worth a try all the same." Feh, he knew ut, he sounded like an idiot. But what the hell! He wanted to end his life right then and there. Well...maybe not there, he was right in front of Hagrid's house and it would be easy for someone to watch him murder his own body.  
  
He stood after a moment of radio silence.  
  
"That's it..." He turned and stalked off to the castle.  
  
He thrust open the doors of the castle, his mind was overloaded in thoughts. It was to the point his head was going to burst. He pushed through the crowd of students all walking into the Great Hall for dinner. Yet Harry just walked past. With a backwards glance, he saw Hagrid bring in a disgruntled Ron and an upset Hermione.  
  
"Come on now, a little sup will do you some good." He said softly. Hermione nodded, Ron said nothing but followed. Harry rolled his eyes.  
  
"Thank God I'll never see them again" he muttered to himself. Little did he know that some people had over head them. Even the Ravenclaw Quidditch captain, Roger Davies. He stopped, and shook Harry's shoulders.  
  
"Potter, what are you saying, you're talking to yourself. Its not as if we think you're insane enough as it is!" he said, shaking Harry more violently as if trying to shake the depression out of him. "Get off me, just leave me alone." Harry spat. Roger's hands came off his shoulders as if he had just had an electrical shock.  
  
"Ok...calm down a little will you?" Roger winked. Harry stared at him, how was it that the whole school despised him and not Roger? Oh well, Harry always thought Roger to be the weird kind who can't go with the flow of the rest of the school. He just turned around, only this time to pass...Cho Chang. Though she didn't even bother noticing him, she just held her head high and walked along with her group of friends that always stayed with her no matter what. Harry sighed, life wasn't great for him...not at all. He continued on, wanting ever so desperately to make it to his dormitory, but he kept getting delayed for one reason or another.  
  
"What are you doing POTTER!" Peeves, the Poltergeist toemented and blew raspberries in his face. Harry said nothing but continued on his way to the dorm. "Aw...is wee littlr POTTER depressed? Does he need a hug? Come and give Uncle Peeves a huggy wuggy!" The hair on the back of Harry's neck stood on end with irritation, especially when he enunciated his last name, placing the accent on POTTER.  
  
"PEEVES!" a voice came from behind. It was Filch.  
  
"What is it Mr. Filthy Filch?" Peeves mocked.  
  
"I've got me eye on you. Right Mrs. Norris?" he asked his cat/ Mrs. Norris' eyes were transfixed on Harry, observing him with curiosity. Observing him in a way that made Harry think...maybe she could read his mind. No...cats can't do THAT. However, those yellow eyes stayed and lingered in his mind even after they left. Yellow...piercing...deceiving. Those slits in her eyes...reminded him vaguely of Voldemort's eyes.  
  
Voldemort....  
  
A clear image of Voldemort laughing intruded into his mind. The laughing image turned to him.  
  
"Yes, yes, my little Potter. I killed them...I KILLED THEM ALL! Now come, join me. Come..."  
  
Harry didn't succumb to him, even if he felt like it. It was Voldemort, the one who killed his parents, why should he join him? Voldemort pleaded more and mor,e causing Harry's irritation to grow more and more.  
  
"Leave me..." he hissed through gritted teeth. Peeves stopped whatever he was doing just to stare at Harry speak to supposedly no one. Peeves' face cracked into a wicked grin.  
  
"Oh looky, Potter has an invisible friend now? Come on now, what's his anme? Hah! And you're how old? 16? And you STILL have imaginary friends?!Wait until the rest of the school finds out!" he cackled as he sped down the hallway chanting, "Potters got and invisible frriiiiiiiieeeeeeeeennnddd!!!AHAHAHAHAHA!"  
  
However, Harry took no head but fought off the voice inside his head. He walked through the corridors, head held low, every now and then the voice would return and plead him to join the dark side.  
  
A/N: Don't you find this a bit clichéd? I think it does....  
  
Harry soon found himself standing in front of the portrait of the fat Lady, the entrance to the Gryffindor common room. He muttered the password hurriedly to the Fat Lady who swung open and muttered how she thought he should cool off. He stormed in and didn't even look up to see all the Gryffindor recipients staring at him. Even the Creevy brother's, the ones who idolized Harry, didn't speak to him in their usual annoying matter. Harry sped up the spiral staircase up to his dorm, labeled Sixth Years. He pushed open the door only to find it empty. So far, no one had bothered to trash his area, out of pure hatred or what not. He sat down in his four poster and stared at its bloody crimson, velvet drapes. When looking at them he could only think one word...blood.  
  
A pecking noise came from the window, which woke him from his trance. He got out from bed and found Hedwig pecking at the window. Hedwig...the only living creature that didn't flinch at the sight of him. He opened the window and Hedwig immediately flew to Harry's shoulder and nuzzled him affectionately with her beak. A letter was attached to her leg. He gently took it off, and gave her an owl treat before she flew off to the Owlery. He observed the writing, none he had ever seen before. Not very legible., yet he managed. He unrolled it and found it to be sent from an anonymous writer. All it said was...  
  
He is waiting....  
  
Harry looked up from the letter and pondered hard. Who was waiting, and who was this letter from? He shook his head, he'd think about it in the morning. The writing remained printed on the inside of his eyelids.  
  
He is waiting...  
  
During the night, Harry tossed and turned, a dream rolling out before him. Sirius fell behind that curtain again, but this time, instead of Lupin holding him back, he managed to get through the veil. What he found was most unpleasant. Rotting bodies lay scattered on the ground, some seemed to have been there for longer periods of time than others. The room was dimly lit, as the dead didn't like the light. Harry searched in vain for Sirius. Finally, in a corner he found him, laying there quietly, his eyes open and lingering.  
  
"SIRIUS!!" Harry called, but a knobble, scabby hand of a one of the dead slowly clasped over his mouth.  
  
"Ssshhhh." It said, cocking his head slightly. It continued in a barely audible whisper. "You are the only one alive t visit here, heed this, do not disturb the dead, for we are weary and need peace. Be hasty, for you have no time before you too must be taken." It said as he returned to the ground to rest. Harry could still feel the cold sting of the corps' hand. Then he returned to Sirius. He knelt down before him and touched his face.  
  
"Sirius, can you hear me?" he asked softly, kneeling closer.  
  
Sirius stirred and groaned. His eyes slowly moved and met Harry's.  
  
"H-Harry..." he rasped, Harry could've sworn he saw a small grin break out on those cracked lips of his.. "Harry...my boy its you. Have you come to join me? You know, I have been waiting. But...."  
  
"But what?" Harry asked, flattening Sirius' hair.  
  
"I...don't' want to..." He was cut off...Harry had woken up, drenched in cold sweat.  
  
What was that all about? What didn't Sirius want? He needed to know! He fell back into the covers and tried to resume his dream, to no avail. Giving up, he got out of bed, put on his shoes and grabbed his invisibility cloak. As he was walking through he found that the beds of Ron, Neville, Seamus and Dean to be empty.. He rolled his eyes, he should've expected it. He went down into the common room only to find, the sixth year, male Gryffindor dormitory recipients to all be sitting together along with Hermione, deep in conversation. Without a word to them, Harry threw the invisibility cloak over his shoulders and crept away from the common room and out into Hogwarts' dark corridors.  
  
Teachers roamed the corridors checking for late night wanderers here and there, though none expected a boy covered in his father's old invisibility cloak to be sneaking around. Many times he overheard teacher's conversations, at least one of them, he assumed, was about him.  
  
"Something's going on between that inseparable trio, what were their names again?" Professor Sinistra spoke to Professor Trelawny. "Ah yes, Potter, Weasly and Ms. Granger. They've been avoiding each other. I used to have to tell Weasly and Potter to stop talking in my classes, now I have to no more. And actually, I miss their chit-chat." She added, as an after thought.  
  
"Well, I saw it right away, yes I did. The first time they entered my classroom, not three years ago, I saw that trouble would brew between them. Especially with that Granger girl. So rude sometimes." Professor Trelawney commented as she and Professor Sinistra walked down the corridor back to their beds. Harry could faintly hear the rest of their conversation.  
  
"Sybill, so nice of you to come down for night watch for once." Professor Sinistra said, leading the way down the darkened corridor.  
  
"Why, it is my pleasure." Trelawney replied, reaching up to pat her shoulder.  
  
Harry continued his way to the entrance, next to the Great Hall. Once he reached there, he pushed open the heavy oak doors and slid out. He cautiously walked towards the lake, which seemed black and somewhat eerie. He took off his invisibility cloak and dragged it behind him as it was making him overheat.  
  
He sat down by the side of the lake and stayed there for a few minuets just staring, sometimes just to notice the Giant Squid surface ever now ad then. The dream still lingered, every so often returning to him clearly. Sirius' last words...  
  
I...don't...want...to....  
  
He didn't want to what? That's what puzzled Harry the most. The feel of his cold skin and the dampness of his hair remained an imprint on his skin. The feel of that deceased warlock's hand over his mouth wouldn't leave him. He shuddered at its very memory.  
  
His head sunk to his knees , and he thought of Sirius' passing. How dearly he missed him, almost as much as he did his parents.  
  
"That's it, I can't take it anymore. Sirius I need to know what you said!" He hissed into the night.. He whipped out his wand, preparing himself for his own death.  
  
He uttered the deadliest words in the magical world.  
  
Avada Kedavra  
  
Before the blast hit Harry, the last thing he saw was Ron and Hermione....running towards him. Then, he dropped to the ground. His soul drifting off...to evanescence.  
  
"HARRY!" Hermione screamed aa she ran towards the collapsed figure on the ground. "Harry...we wanted to....apologize...."  
  
"Harry...."  
  
Harry....  
  
Haryy....  
  
The voice was distant, he knew it beckoned him to come. Harry's eyes opened up, he found himself surrounded by darkness.. so this is what its like...being dead. It wasn't so bad. Not that anyone was going to miss him. Or so he supposed.  
  
Harry....  
  
The voice was stronger, more prominent than before, and became recognizable.  
  
"SIRIUS?! WHERE ARE YOU?" Harry called, finally recognizing the voice of his Godfather.  
  
"Harry...." A blurred figure appeared in the distance. Harry tran to it, as the blurry edges became cleare and sharper...Harry found Sirius.  
  
"Sirirus, I'm here. I'm with you now." He whispered.  
  
"H-Harry..." the man's eyes filled with 'tears'.  
  
"Sirius....what was it you wanted to tell me?"  
  
"Harry...it was to tell you that I didn't...." Sirius rasped as Harry sat beside him and rested his head on his shoulder. Sirius patted him softly.  
  
"What?" Harry asked.  
  
"It was that...I didn't want you to take your life away...."  
  
FIN  
  
Well...that was a failure! At least I tried. So tell me what you think. It took me two or three days to write and I constantly got blocked. (Right Wizu?) Its my first sagnst/spiritual so....tell me what you think? I'm all ears. Flames are welcome, but good ones are, of course, preferable. 


End file.
